On Vacation

On Vacation

Swathed in Number 4 Coppertone, Coach

alliteration of coach-coppertone. Patty Schlutt

sits in his bench chair, watching
the Atlantic roll itself toward his toes,

Good image; easy to see. Donald Sund

his belly white as a gull's,

A simile that works well and is easy to picture because of the scenery being described. Patty Schlutt

the sun playing him tight.

This is a excellent personification because it ties the scenery and the man in the spotlight together, the coach, who is athletic, and the sun, who takes on an athletic form by "playing him tight."

He listens to the waves, the children squealing,
the stockbrokers still talking big bucks
as their wives try to coax them offshore,
the teenagers laughing as they roll

I like the sound of shore and roll in consecutive lines. Patty Schlutt

under the cool water or whispering
as they bake next to each other, fingers
laced. Suddenly he wants to buy
some jeans, open his shirt, take
his wife across state lines.
But his brain's a gym.

This metaphor also draws the reader in. We are told in the bluntest form about what he is and what he lives for. Patty Schlutt
Short, to the point, but still poetic. Matt Rozelle

Every move he makes draws jeers.
Even here, dreaming himself a surfer,
builder of sandcastles, a stud ”
who strolls the shoreline, or just
leaning back into the sand to feel
the salt air sift across his body,
he can hear the catcalls—“You’re

Backs up the line earlier in poem by showing why he can't concentrate
on his vacation. Donald Sund

a bum, Coach. You’re a lousy bum.”

The repitition of this line with the slight difference in phrasing really finishes off the poem with a sort of echo. Patty Schlutt
Through the 3rd Eye was supported in its inception by the Grand Rapids Humanities Council and is currently made possible by continued volunteer effort and private support. Copyright 2013.